If Not Now, When?
Dear Leading Ladies,
The term micro-aggression had a moment in the late 90s and early oughts. It spoke to the ways people of color, of religions other than Christianity, and cultures other than white Anglo-Saxon suffered indignities in small but hurtful ways every day. Systemic racism seems to be a more commonly used term today in considering the way discrimination is baked into our society and government, yet both terms are equally important in these times of rampant discrimination, unbridled hate, and unconscious and conscious bias. We, as individuals, have more control over micro-aggressions, since we can determine what we ourselves say and do, and we can respond to others when they speak or behave in a micro-aggressive manner.
Micro-aggressions can be subtle, as can systemic racism. A micro-aggression can be verbal or non-verbal. Crossing the street to avoid being on the sidewalk with a person of color; following a person of color around a store (if you are a clerk); asking a person where they are “really” from; inquiring if you can touch someone’s hair; telling someone they are a credit to their people. These are all micro-aggressions. They disrespect people and their individuality.
Less subtle, and at least as damaging, is the practice of perpetuating hurtful stereotypes. Using words that describe all people of the same race, religion, culture, or part of the country in the same pejorative way is divisive, ignorant, and hurtful. Have we all been guilty at sometime in our lives of falling for a generalization or stereotype? No doubt. But we need to fight our biases, prejudices, and ignorance.
So, just for the record, not all Black people are good dancers or can sing. And not all Jewish men are money-grubbing financial wizards. Not every Asian child excels at mathematics and technology; and not every Latino is an undocumented, lazy immigrant who wants to steal “real” Americans’ jobs. Much as it insults someone to assume they can’t do something, it equally insults people when it is assumed that they live up to some trope. It is not a compliment, even when the stereotype is positive.
Why did we feel we had to write about this matter this week?
Because the daughter of a friend repeated the description of a man who was helping her negotiate the purchase of a car as a “good Jew boy”. And the mother defended the use of the term, saying it was meant as a compliment. That worries us.
Perhaps the daughter didn’t know that calling someone a “good Jew boy” is pejorative. Hard to believe of a young woman in her 30s, raised in the multi-cultural, urban environment of Cambridge, but we can give her the benefit of the doubt.
But what about the parent, an avowed progressive and feminist, politically active resident of the “People’s Republic of Cambridge” for nearly a half century. Did she not know this was an anti-semitic remark? Why would she not tell her daughter that the term was offensive and explain why, if her daughter did not understand?
As we all know, parenting our grown children can be tricky business. Our advice is generally not wanted unless it is sought. Our criticism is rarely greeted with enthusiasm. Yet, isn’t it still our responsibility to ourselves and our sense of right and wrong to tell our children when something they say or do is offensive to others and to the ethical and moral values we have tried to teach them?
In these times of so much hate, fomented by the people in charge of the government, don’t we need to depend on the people we love and trust to stand up for respect, love and dignity for all?
Indeed, if we hear something, don’t we need to say something? Isn’t that the least we can expect of ourselves?
We think so.
Judy (she/her/hers)
Therese (she/her/hers)
Didi (she/her/hers)
Leading Ladies Executive Team
Leadingladiesvote.org
ladies@leadingladiesvote.org
