Response | If Not Now, When?

Hi Judy,
Another excellent newsletter from the Leading Ladies! Upon reading it, I had to admit that I’m guilty of a couple of these “offenses”. But should I be? And are they really offenses? When I meet someone who has an accent, I find a way to ask where they’re from, softening the impact with “I wasn’t born in the States either.” If they have an unusual last name, I find a way to inquire about their ancestry too, but in a conversation. Adding my interest in names in general helps. So my questions can feel warm and genuine if asked respectfully and in a spirit of connection.

Telling someone they are a credit to their parents or their family, is that offensive? To me it means that their parents would be proud of them. In many cultures, that’s a lovely compliment, and of course, the tone matters. But if it’s said in a context that implies surprise (“I didn’t expect someone like you to be so accomplished”), then it can feel patronizing.

Now, when you extend that comment to their people, it can have a totally different effect, as it risks suggesting that the person is exceptional because other from their background are not, which carries the weight of a stereotype.

These moments are potential pitfalls and they do need to be navigated carefully. I just wanted to share some thoughts that came to mind as I was reading it.
Thank you, Judy, for these newsletters. Honestly, they deserve a regular spot in the Sunday paper. I think the country could use more of your voice.

Alma Barozzi