Say It Nice, But Say It Loud
Dear Leading Ladies,
We think this message bears repeating.
The time is past for avoiding difficult conversations with friends and family. No longer should we heed the many words of advice about how to get through a Sunday dinner without having a disagreement over reproductive rights or gun control, immigrants or taxes, climate change or racism.
It is time to have those conversations. To speak up and speak out. Not with rancor or disrespect, but with facts and the faith that relatives and friends are intelligent and well meaning, but may not be fully informed.
History has taught us where silence can lead. We need only look to 1930s Germany. Or the Japanese internment camps in the United States. Or the Jim Crow era or the Tulsa Massacre, to name just a few times in the past when well-meaning citizens stood silent as atrocities surrounded them.
With just a few weeks before the election, we urge everyone to engage in conversations with those who may differ in opinions. Ask them to consider the facts around some of the issues. Offer stories about people who have suffered because of the new restrictions on abortion; the easy availability of AR15-style guns; and the lies about immigrants. There are certainly other important issues—climate change, health care, taxes, and welfare abuse—that you may want to research in preparation for discussions with others, but to start, here are some sources you can reference and share in your conversations.
Norman Rockwell’s Thanksgiving Dinner painting
On Abortion: “In the U.S., one in four women will end a pregnancy in her lifetime — yet abortion is now illegal in 14 states, leaving millions without access to care. And, although most U.S. maternal deaths are preventable, the country has one of the highest maternal mortality rates among wealthy nations. In addition, contraception and assisted reproduction services are often unaffordable and out of reach for many.” (The Center for Reproductive Rights)
“Despite broad support for legal access to abortion in cases of rape or incest, 10 of the 21 states with abortion bans or gestational limits do not have an exception for pregnancies resulting from sexual assault. In the 11 states with rape and incest exceptions, lack of provider availability, law enforcement reporting requirements, and early pregnancy gestational limits can make access to abortion care unattainable for pregnant survivors of sexual assault.” (KFF, the independent source for health policy research, polling, and news.)
“Research has long indicated that abortion bans of all types have the greatest impact on people in marginalized groups. Individuals who face systemic racism and other forms of oppression may encounter compounding barriers to obtaining an abortion.” (Guttmacher Institute)
And it’s important to remember and convey that no law allowing abortion, or even contraception or IVF, is dictating that anyone do anything against their personal beliefs. The argument is that the government should not legislate whether or not a woman continues a pregnancy or how a woman gets pregnant. Anyone who believes that terminating a pregnancy is wrong is always free to act according to those beliefs.
On Gun Control: Most arguments for control do not aim to dismantle or overturn the Second Amendment. The right to bear arms is not under siege. Most gun control advocates call for common sense laws that will help prevent mass shootings in schools and other public locations, but also in homes and neighborhoods. AR 15-style guns, the most commonly used in mass shootings in our country, are also the most controversial. Some hunters like to use them to hunt small game such as coyotes and large game such as deer. Some owners like them just for target practice. When used in shootings against humans, however, AR 15-style rifles can kill scores of innocent people quickly, literally blowing their bodies to pieces. Without thorough background checks, age limits, requirements for locking up firearms, preventing the transfer of use from parents to children, and restrictions on high capacity, assault-style guns, the violence will continue. (Source)
Moreover, the truth is that most gun deaths in our country are by suicide. Of course, this indicates a mental health problem, especially among young people, but it also indicates a problem with accessibility to guns. Suicides outnumber homicides almost two to one in the US, according to the Harvard School of Public Health (HSPH). A study by HSPH “found that in states where guns were prevalent—as in Wyoming, where 63 percent of households reported owning guns—rates of suicide were higher. The inverse was also true: where gun ownership was less common, suicide rates were also lower.” What can be concluded, according to HSPH Professor of Health Policy David Hemenway, is that since “most attempters act on impulse, in moments of panic or despair” and “Once the acute feelings ease, 90 percent do not go on to die by suicide,” keeping guns away from those in crisis reduces the possibility of death exponentially. (Source)
The fact that most gun violence happens in homes and neighborhoods, not in schools or other public spaces, is also important to recognize. A new study by a group at Stanford University shows that people living in homes with guns face substantially higher risks of being fatally assaulted. The study of 18 million adults in California showed that “People living with handgun owners died by homicide at twice the rate of their neighbors in gun-free homes. That difference was driven largely by homicides at home, which were three times more common among people living with handgun owners.” In fact, “[m]ost notably, people living with handgun owners were seven times more likely to be shot by their spouse or intimate partner.” And 84% of the victims were female – and not intruding strangers! (Source)
On Immigrants and immigration: If someone says immigrants are taking American jobs and using our tax money to educate their children, what can you say? According to the Economic Policy Institute, immigrants are not hurting US-born workers. In fact, the “immigrant share of the labor force reached a record high of 18.6% in 2023, according to our analysis of Current Population Survey (CPS) data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics.” Specifically, “The unemployment rate for U.S.-born workers averaged 3.6% in 2023, the lowest rate on record. Obviously, immigration is not causing high unemployment among U.S.-born workers.” Furthermore, “The share of prime-age U.S.-born individuals with a job is at its highest rate in more than two decades.”
The conclusion is that “Immigrants are an integral part of our labor market, filling gaps caused by demographic changes in the United States and contributing to strong economic growth. The immigrants (documented and undocumented) that make up 18.6% of the U.S. labor force are playing key roles in numerous industries and are employed in a mix of lower, middle, and higher-wage jobs. And as the Congressional Budget Office recently reported, immigration is contributing to strong economic growth—with future immigration forecasted to boost real gross domestic product by 2% over the next 10 years—as well as increasing government revenue. Immigrants are also complementing U.S.-born workers by contributing to overall population and workforce growth. The U.S. Census Bureau projects that if the U.S. were to have lower-than-expected immigration levels, the population would begin to decline in 20 years, and if there were suddenly zero immigration, the population would begin to decline next year, deeply harming economic growth.” (Source)
There are other issues that may come up at your dinner, poker, or bridge table. But these should give you a start to some lively conversations. Feel free to bring crib sheets.
One last thing. One of our Leading Ladies recently reminded us that no one listens unless they are heard. In other words, if we want others to hear our point of view, we need to be ready to hear theirs. And that means listening to their “alternative facts” also. We can be ready to rebut them with well-researched information, but we need to listen respectfully if we ever hope to be heard.
So, the time is now. Say it respectfully, but say what you believe. Then back up those beliefs with facts. We need an informed electorate, one that knows the truth about the issues and the importance of voting. Spreading the word is more important than making sure everyone feels comfortable at Sunday dinner at Aunt Sally’s.
Thank you for partnering with us in this important work.
Therese (she/her/hers)
Judy (she/her/hers)
Didi (she/her/hers)
Leading Ladies Executive Team